I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
