shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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