Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
