Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
