I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
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multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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