Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
