I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
