The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
