with your own penis?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
