Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
