the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
