Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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