Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
