He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
