woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
