it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
