I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
