Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
