Porn is love you can see.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
