The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
