oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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