Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
