I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
