a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
