Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
