I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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