Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
