I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
