he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
