I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
