even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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