How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
