just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Terrible idea I love it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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