new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
