If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
