there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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