And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
