He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
