I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
