I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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