In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
