I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
