It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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