if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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