Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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