You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
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She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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