My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
