Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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