Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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