Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
