I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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