i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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