your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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