My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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