Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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