I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
