mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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