I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
