I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
