remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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