god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
my poor anus
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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