guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
