dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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