I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
