I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
