I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
