obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
