I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
