I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
